“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” ~Maya Angelou
We’ve all done it, right? Somehow, somewhere, something bad happened to us and since that moment we’ve continued to tell ourselves the story about what might and could go wrong in our future.
For me, the biggest negative pattern I’ve had to release stems from my parents’ divorce. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a positive person. When I was a kid I was happy-go-lucky, nothing much bothered me, and life was pretty awesome.
Also, being an only child I was always close with my parents. The thought that they wouldn’t be together was something that never entered my mind.
Then they split up when I was 18 and things began to change. I made different choices and I also began to believe that all romantic relationships were doomed.
A few years later, just after I had split up with my long-term partner, I was in LA spending a lovely afternoon watching US daytime TV. Nothing much was on, but every channel I flicked to seemed to mention the word “marriage” or “divorce.”
I also happened to be reading Wayne Dyer’s Your Sacred Self at the time, and suddenly it all made sense:
I had been telling myself stories like “Marriages never last forever” and “All relationships are doomed,” and in essence I was creating my reality.
I finally realized that my beliefs about relationships had been causing me to attract those exact experiences.
I was giving these negative stories power and acting on them. I was skeptical that I would be able to have a successful and happy relationship, which caused me to see everything that could go wrong. I ultimately initiated our break-up because I believed that it was inevitable.
The very experiences we fear keep repeating themselves if we continue to focus on them and give them power. We’ve got to become aware and first change ourselves if we want our reality to change.
Now that I’m a few years on from that, I have replaced my negative relationship beliefs with new, positive thought patterns.
Now, I believe my current relationship is a lifetime partnership and as a result, I act in a way that manifests that type of relationship without worry and doubt. I take responsibility for my part of the relationship, and because I have positive thinking patterns I bring my best self to the table. This allows me and my partner to have confidence and faith as we plan our lives together.
Our experiences reflect our beliefs, so it benefits us to make them positive.
Here are a few questions to help you get to the root of your negative beliefs so you can make changes in your life:
1. What are the negative stories you’ve been telling yourself?
Is there an area in your life where you seem to struggle? Which experiences trigger negative thoughts?
It’s time to narrow in on the beliefs that are keeping you from living the life that you want.
2. Where do those negative beliefs come from?
What happened in your past? Did someone in a position of authority make a negative comment about you that you’ve held on to?
Just know that you can’t change what has happened or what someone said to you or about you. But you do have the power to decide not to allow those experiences to control your life in this moment.
3. Why are you holding on to those negative beliefs?
Which needs are you fulfilling by holding on to these beliefs? For example, are you getting attention by playing the victim?
By not letting go of negative beliefs, we keep ourselves trapped in a vicious cycle, repeating the same pattern over and over again. Life will continue to give us lessons until we learn, grow, and move past it.
We need to make a change within ourselves to move forward and break through to a new reality.
4. What does your future look like if you let go of these beliefs?
Close your eyes and imagine your future if you didn’t have these thoughts. Notice all the amazing things that you close yourself off from just by holding on to your negative beliefs.
What can you do in this moment to move toward that future?
Holding on to past experiences and old beliefs gives you an excuse to continue to repeat the same behavior. It justifies negative thought patterns and keeps you in that loop.
It’s time to break the pattern and realize you have the power to shape your reality!
By guest writer: Rachel Jessica Huxtable
Rachel is an author and spirited mentor to women around the world wanting to live in happiness, love and success. She is also an inspired speaker and actress. Her intention is to help women around the world find their spark and claim their best life! Connect with Rachel at her website, Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.
Are you living life or is life living you? Do external events or people push you into a negative state difficult to escape from? Or is it you who determines your experience of life?
Just as a competent surfer does not control the wave but masters the art of riding it, you too can determine how you deal with challenges. How to direct your own course and travel life’s currents in ways that are meaningful to you.
Use your free will.
It is easy to be carried along by automatic reactions rather than determine your own responses to life’s challenges. But whatever happens, you have free will how to respond to the situation. If you react without taking control, events and other people have the power over your emotions, thoughts and even actions. But if you choose your responses, the rewards are great – inner freedom and self-mastery.
It means being wholeheartedly engaged in what you are doing and what is going on, right here, right now, physically, mentally and emotionally. This might seem obvious, but especially when doing routine or familiar tasks - like driving or washing the dishes - it’s easy for attention to drift away into dwelling on the past or future, imaginary scenarios or non-specific automatic mind chatter. When that happens, your awareness of what is going on and what you are doing is reduced. You spend time in your head rather than in the actual experience. But the here and now is your real home and being there has many benefits.
Mindfulness is the way to presence. It includes being grounded, aware of yourself, your surroundings and the people in them. As your horizons are expanded, multiple impressions provide useful feedback about what is going on, allowing you to make better decisions and take more effective action. You can be more confident as you are actually ‘there’ to deal with issues and apply yourself fully to what the situation requires. Being mindfully present and giving other people your full attention is also important for establishing and maintaining good relationships. But above all, it gives you the ability to live a conscious self-directed life.
Adjust your expectations.
When people or situations disappoint, you need to assess the reality of the situation and revise your expectation accordingly. Perhaps you misjudged the person or situation or were unprepared for a surprising turn of events. Review and reconsideration of what can be expected are part of normal life.
But some people try to ward off potential shocks by censoring their expectations in advance: I always expect the worst so I won’t be hit so hard when bad things happen. Other people avoid optimism because they are afraid of not being able to cope when things turn out badly: If I don’t expect much I won’t be disappointed.
It’s a strange logic with a touch of superstition: expecting to feel bad later, they’d rather not feel good now. Such attitudes often become self-fulfilling prophecies. With so much attention given to negative expectations, how could anything positive find its way in?
Appreciate your uniqueness.
Do you appreciate the You that is you? It is a combination of many facets that make up your unique You. When you truly appreciate your special characteristics there is no need for feeling bad about being different. You do not need to conform to how others do things if that is not a good fit for you. You are the center of your life and the more you are your true You, the more you are able to walk your own path.
Assess what is really important to you.
Purpose provides a direction for life; you know what you want to express or achieve and look for ways of doing that. Purpose is different to goals. A purpose relates to the road to be traveled, whereas goals are the stops along the way. When the direction you are taking is significant and worthwhile to you, your life has meaning.
The search for meaning and purpose can be triggered by internal questioning or by dramatic external changes. Usually, people are very sure of what they do not want anymore, but have not discovered yet what it is they want. For example, a business owner who worked hard for financial stability finally achieves it, then sells the business. Travelling the world is fun at first, but then the question is asked: What does he want to do with the rest of his life that gives him fulfillment?
Imposed situations can also lead to reviewing how life is going. For example, after traumatic experiences many people seek to share their knowledge and insight for the benefit of others. They set up charities, do volunteer work, give talks, create art or write a book. Focused on issues greater than themselves, they seek to contribute something valuable to the world.
Find your own meaning and purpose.
Your ideas do not have to be spectacular, public or even specific. They can be a feeling, longing for something better, a sense of overall direction and destination. It may be something bigger than yourself, a vision that energizes and fills life with interest and challenge.
Or you can be like an athlete working to improve her PB – personal best – and become the best version of yourself you can be. Whatever you choose will be important for expressing who you are and what is of value to you.
Other people might try and tell you the direction to take and what your purpose should be. Don’t be distracted or diverted. Find what is right for you and what makes you feel good about yourself. Choose your own road to travel even if is not a smooth ride.
To find your way towards new meaning and purpose, consider some of the following questions:
What gives your life meaning and purpose? Are you walking a path in life that is uniquely yours? What are your experiences? Feel free to share your thoughts and leave a comment.
- Tristan David Luciotti
Get ready to breathe a sigh of relief.
The Scorpio new moon on November 7, 2018 at 8:02 a.m. PT will be the fresh start you need after an intense period of transformation in your relationships and finances. This new moon will help you to better understand your heart’s truest desires, feel more comfortable in your life, and overcome any difficulties from past trauma or experiences.
As to where the past few months may have been tumultuous, this new moon is here to help you finally get a handle on all the chaos in your life and come back home to yourself in a way that feels more authentic.
You may be working with other people to create a shared future full of new possibilities. With Venus stationing about to go direct in its home sign of Libra, you should have a better idea of which people are or are not in your life and how you need to work with them in a way that is productive. Conversations could be slightly confusing, and your mind may not be thinking as clearly as usual. However, the mental fog is meant to increase your faith in yourself and others, communicate with more compassion, and trust your instincts.
With the north node finally in the sign of Cancer for the first time in 18 years, nurturing yourself and listening to your intuition, even if it means taking a time out from some of your larger responsibilities or traditions will be key.
The foundation your life is built upon is shifting. It could be literal — as in a move with your home or a change in your family but it could also be metaphorical — as in a deep, emotional transformation. Let it happen, even if it feels like your life is being uprooted. You are actually being upgraded instead. Allow yourself to go out on a limb and try different things. Working with others may be key to help you move forward.
Open yourself up to new relationships or allow your current relationships to take on different forms. There could be a lot of conversations about a big change you want to make to deepen your connections with others or create a life you truly want. Your job or daily routines may also have to adjust as a result. Try your best to communicate clearly and with more compassion in the process.
You are busy at this new moon. There could be a lot of buzz about your job or a new set of daily routines that can help to increase your social standing, bring more money to you, and help you to feel more confident all around in your abilities. Just don’t give up if it feels like a lot of work is in front of you. Be patient as you work out the details with others.
Are you happy? If not, it is coming soon. This new moon is helping to bring new sources of romance, passion, and love into your life. There will be major emotional transformation at this time, and possible some changes with home, family, and where you live. A new job or set of daily routines is also on the horizon.
Expect a lot of change at this new moon in your own home or family that may require you to spend some time alone or re-focus more on your personal and private needs. There will be lots of conversations with one or two key people in your life. Communicate openly about what you need to be happier but try not to let your emotions get the best of you.
You are naturally a great communicator and you are going to need those skills this month. There could be a lot of conversations with relationships about your future. Talk the details if you need but don’t be afraid to let your heart have a say either, especially when it comes to a partner or family member. Focus on bringing more stability into your life and work, and using more of your talents.
More money and stability is finally here for you. This new moon will help you to work towards a career or life direction you feel better and more confident about in a steadier kind of way. Enjoy the opportunity to ground yourself, even if it brings a revolution of your own personal identity. Be open to new possibilities at work and don’t be afraid to say what is on your heart.
Happy birthday! It’s a new year. Now, it’s time for a new you. Open yourself up to new relationships, new projects, and new romances — and don’t you dare let anything from the past get you down. Build new structures and foundations in your life that can support the person you are now becoming. And try to ground yourself amidst all the excitement.
Get ready for a new lease on life, overcoming old situations, and finding your inner peace. This new moon is going to help you change your home or family for the better or step into new situations in these areas that bring you more peace. There may be a lot of conversations about your future, or with friends. Talk about your feelings if you need, but make sure people see your passion too.
Step into a future full of new, different, and fresh possibilities! The sky really is the limit for you at this new moon. You just have to be open about what you are feeling and willing to work with others to accomplish some of your goals and dreams. You should have more clarity now about your career and be able to work with others in a more structured way to achieve those things.
This is a big career moment for you. It’s finally time to feel like you are making progress to put your life in a better place, make more money, use more of your talents and do things on the day-to-day you feel good about. Just try your best to manage your money properly and work slow and steady towards some important goals of yours. No need to rush the process.
Get excited! There are a lot of opportunities coming that will allow to do many new things that you enjoy. This could bring a new romance into your life, a new passion project or even a new baby! It may require you to make some kind of adjustment to accommodate this exciting event. Make sure you communicate seriously, use discipline and think long-term about where your life is going to ensure the best result.